I study my face in the mirror.
I'm not ugly, I think, but my face screams my age. A little sagging under the eyes, a few marked wrinkles, leathery skin, a few white hair. Too many white hair.
Forty three years old.
Sounds like a sentence. I here thereby condemn you to forty three years of age! SINGLE!
My female friends, all three of them, say I'm handsome, that if they would have been single they'd go out with me. Then again they are my friends. What are they supposed to say? That I look like I need two face lifts, a nose job, and a set of veneers?
Also, they are not single.
My work buddies tell me I'm fine. That I keep myself in great shape, work out six days a week, play squash and basketball. I have a successful career and I look great in shorts or in a suit. I drive a BMW, they say that says it all. Worst car I've ever owned, but it's the car to drive these days. I got nothing to worry, they say, nothing to fret about.
But again, they are not the ones out on the dating scene. Nor are they about to go out and risk having a twenty years old kid call you grandpa. What should I do then? Hit him? Run? Laugh it off? Make a snappy comeback? "Go home, kid. Your mother is calling." That will show him. Or not.
"ENOUGH!!"
Yes, yelling at myself in the mirror is just what I need. But it's true. I got to snap out of this negativity, or I'll make a fool out of myself for real.
The phone rings and it's Martha. She's giddy with excitement and had to call me one last time before our first real date. She laughs at herself, and her voice sounds like angels ought to sound.
"Yeah, don't worry. I'm just about ready. Got reservations for two, the Palomino. Yeah, downtown. Six forty five. Just look for the frail old man with a cane."
She laughs, but I gotta stop these stupid put down jokes. I'm not old, frail, nothing. Just terrified she'll be disappointed seeing me for real, and then she'll sneer and I'll tell her "I told you so!" as she walks out.
We say our I love you's and our goodbye's, and I go back to the bathroom. If I keep talking to myself this way, it will go bad for sure. Just fucking shave and get ready, dammit.
Ten minutes to seven. She should've been here five minutes ago.
Maybe she changed her mind. I know I nearly did that half way here. Then again when parking. And again when telling the pretty hostess my name.
Why am I even meeting her? It's not like we really know each other. We just chatted online, on one of those dating sites. For two months and three days. And had a few conversations over the phone.
They say that time spent with someone online is only worth a quarter of "real" time spent together. I was married for six years before my ex-wife ran off with a used car dealer. Does it mean I spent twenty four years online with her? Jesus what a nightmare! I still feel sorry for the car dealer.
Five to seven. Maybe she came in, saw me, saw how old and gray I really am, and then turned around.
I always used a good recent picture of myself on the profile, and I did send her real pictures of me. Not like Martin from sales. But you can't escape the fact that even the best of intentions can lead to false impressions. I look thinner in those shots, and more muscular. And you can't see the white hair. I think my teeth are crooked.
Maybe she ran into one of her ex-boyfriends. One of those guys who keeps calling her three months after they are through. Was it Ramon, the flamenco dance instructor? Maurice, the lawyer? Joseph, the jet setting man of mystery?? Or Gus, the salesman from Danny's Auto Monster Deals. No one is refused at Danny's.
Seven PM. Second whiskey sour. She's not going to show up. What was I thinking?! Martha is twenty years younger than me! She's a gorgeous, tall, young, toned twenty three years old woman. I could be her father! Literally. My first time was at, what, seventeen? Eighteen? That memorable.
I bet she's in a hot tub, drinking some wine cooler, surrounded by her young hot friends, laughing at the old fart who is waiting for her downtown. I even got her flowers.
I knew I was too old for her. I tried to hack this off before it turned into trouble. I told her as much when we first started talking; but she kept writing, and I responding, because, after all, I liked the attention. I should've known it was all in my head. But she did say she loved me. She said it first. On our very first phone call. My heart both sunk and leaped in joy. Part of me knew it was a cruel prank, but I was too happy to listen to my head. I just couldn't believe it. I told her I loved her too, and then we spent hours on the phone every day. Two, four, six hours on the phone, laughing, talking, like teenagers. Until today, our first real date. But now it's time face the truth. This is just a joke. The punch line has landed, the public laughs, they all point the finger at the old dunce on stage who got caught with his pants down and his heart broken. Time to let the curtains fall on the final act of this pathetic charade.
I should just go home.
"Frank?"
I wake up from my sorrows and look up to a goddess in a tight black dress.
"Martha," is all I can say. I stand up and move to shake her hand, but she throws herself in my arms. We kiss.
"Sorry I'm late." She says. "Traffic is murder this evening."
"It's all right," I say, but all I'm interested in is looking at her and holding her.
"When I came in I recognized you immediately, but you had such a face. What were you thinking?"
"Me? Oh. Uh, just work, things I forgot to do today at the office, bills. Carl from accounting got himself locked in after hours."
"Baby, shut up. You think too much."
Showing posts with label short story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label short story. Show all posts
Sunday, July 22, 2018
Friday, May 9, 2008
No Saints (Part 6 of 6)
The evening dragged on. At least it did for me. Everybody was having a great time and I played along. Little by little I warmed up and stopped looking like a stiff from the mortuary, and acted human. Inside, though, I was still torn by the doubt.
When Mike and Susan finally left, Caroline and I cleaned up. We exchanged few words. I wanted to question her, make her tell me the truth, no matter how painful it would have been. I knew I could handle it, and I knew I could restrain myself from acting like a jealous idiot. I had never been the jealous type, and I didn't think I would start now.
Still, I wanted to know. At the same time I had all these doubts. Susan truly looked like Caroline, and it was dark and raining in the back yard. I could have been mistaken. How could I ask Caroline to tell me the truth when I wasn't sure of what I had seen? So I kept quiet and mulled over everything.
I took the trash out, in the back yard. It had stopped raining, and in the cold of the night I felt better. I looked at the kitchen window, now dark, and I couldn't say for sure what had happened. Maybe I should have just said something, mention it in passing how I saw Mike and Susan making out in the kitchen. Caroline would roll her eyes and laugh, but I didn't know it was Susan and I wasn't sure of anything of what happened earlier on.
I went back inside, Caroline was making some noises in the bathroom upstairs, so I turned off all the lights and went up to the bedroom.
I took my clothes off, slipped into bed and closed my eyes. I didn't want to wait for her to be done in the bathroom, I wanted to sleep. A good night of sleep is what I needed, that would've cleared my mind and make it all better. It's always better in the morning.
I fell asleep immediately, and right away I had nightmares. The house was on fire, old crones were laughing at me pointing their bony fingers to me, and other amenities. Then a noise woke me up, but I only opened my eyes and didn't move.
"Dan," said Caroline, and I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. "Where were you?"
I pretended to be still sleeping.
"I know you are awake." She poked me in the side. "I told you I want answers, and this time you can't get out of it."
I sighed but didn't turn or say anything.
"Where are you been all these evenings?" She kept poking me in the side and shaking me. I hated it.
"I didn't drink."
"So where have you been?"
"I didn't do anything wrong."
"Look at me!"
I didn't want to look, not tonight, not while I was still confused.
"Where have you been?!" She grabbed my shoulders and tried to turn me around. "If you didn't go out to get plastered as usual, what did you do outside?!"
"I told you so many times, I don't go out to drink."
"You disappear for hours, without explanation," she pushed me hard. "You say you didn't drink, yet you won't tell me what you are up to."
I kept mum. What difference would have it made if she knew? Did I even care at this point?
I heard her breathing breaking up quietly. Tears. The last weapon of the guilty woman. "What's her name?"
"Who?"
"The one you have been seeing all these nights."
I twisted around in an instant. "What?" How could SHE ask ME such a question?! "What are you talking about?"
"You kept drinking and drinking for months, years." She was sobbing now. "Then all of a sudden you start going out late at night, but come back without the stench of smoke and booze."
"And?"
"You have someone else," she wiped her tears with her fingers. "Someone who made you quit drinking."
"Caroline.." I couldn't form a coherent thought. The scene in the kitchen window, Susan looking a lot like her, Mike's comments, now her accusations. It was all a ball of searing pain that fumbled in my brain.
"Who, dammit, who?!" Her face was streaming with tears, and she began banging my chest.
"There is no one else, Caroline." It was odd, I didn't feel anything. No pity, no desire to take her in my arms and comfort her. Nothing. All I could think of was whomever I saw in the kitchen window.
"Who, you bastard, who is she?!" She hit me harder. "I can see it in your eyes."
"Enough, Caroline!" My voice was getting louder. "It's all in your head!" In her head. Like the scene that kept repeating in my head over and over. Caroline or Susan, kissing Mike. Susan or Caroline. One and the same.
"Who!? I deserve to know!" She slapped me across the face. My face burned where she left her hand print.
"No one!"
"Bullshit!" And she slapped me again.
"You will not hit me, not ever again." My voice was strange, coming from somewhere deep and dark inside of me. From the same place where the desire to reach out and strangle her was coming from.
"Give me her name!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
"No one!" The lying, cheating bitch. Accusing me of what she had just done the same night under my very own roof. "NO ONE!"
She tried to slap me again, but I caught her wrist with my hand and squeezed it hard.
"I told you not to hit me ever again!"
"Daniel!" She winced and try to pull her arm free of my grasp. "Let go! You're hurting me!"
I yanked her arm to the side. "And I told you that there is no one else!" I saw fear in her eyes. It felt good.
"There is no one else," I repeated, squeezing her fine wrist harder. "No one! I have been going to Alcoholics Anonymous!" I spat the words at her, and with each word she tried to pull back further. "AA Meetings! Getting clean!"
"Danny, baby, my arm hurts." With every pull I squeezed harder and yanked in the opposite direction. "Please baby!"
"You constantly harass me, nag me, fucking berate me with your stupid incessant questions!" The more she squirmed, the louder I spoke and the more I squeezed and yanked. "I tell you I quit, and you don't believe me! You never believe me!!" She grabbed my arm and dug her nails in it, trying to free her captive wrist. I squeezed harder still. "I told you I didn't wanna talk about it, and you nag me to death, even when I try to sleep!! Nag nag nag!" I shook her hand off my arm and pushed. She squealed and I felt the heat inside of me exploding. "I told you I there isn't anyone else, and you slap me!" I twisted her arm, pulled her close to me and yelled at the top of my lungs. "And when I tell you not to hit me again, you go and try again!"
I let go her wrist and pushed her off of me. "What do you want from my life?"
She crawled off the bed, her face red and covered with tears. She had gone too far. This time I would show her who she was messing with.
"What? You ran out of words now? After all you have said?! You accused me of cheating. YOU! After what you have done to me!" Her face showed complete panic and I started moving toward her like a panther stalking its prey. "After the way you ripped my heart apart with your deeds!" I crawled closer, inches from her face. "After I saw you throwing yourself at Mike like the whore that you are!!"
Caroline raised her arms to her face. Her cheeks were flushed, with red streaks coming down from her eyes. Her mouth slightly open with only small squeaky noises coming out.
"I can't hear you, honey. What? You thought I'd never figure it out?"
She started crawling backwards away from me toward one corner of the room. I got closer.
"What is it, honey? Cat got your fucking tongue?"
"Baby, please.." She squirmed like a mouse. Like a rat caught with cheese in her mouth, trying to avoid the impending just punishment.
"Please what?" I took one step closer. "Please stop throwing the truth in my face?" Another step closer. "Please stop finding out about my affairs?" I stood up towering her. "Please WHAT? Speak up, whore! I can't hear you!"
She squeezed herself in the corner, whimpering, curling up like a porcupine. "Baby, please don't hurt me!"
"Why would I hurt you? Huh? WHY? Why would I hurt my fucking angel?" Her fear told me all I needed to know. She did it, it was her. "Have you done something you shouldn't have? HUH?" My hands were clenched in tight fists. "Yes you have!" And with that I slapped her hard across the face.
She screamed and I hit her again.
"You see what you made me do?" I slapped her again. "After all I've done for you!" I punched her and she shrieked, curling tighter to avoid my hands. "After all the sacrifices, the hardships!" I snatched the arm covering her face and slapped her again. "After all these years!" She was in absolute panic, but I punched her down and started crying as well. "After all this time! Why did you have to do that to me?"
I started hitting her repeatedly, crying with every hit I landed on her. She was bawling and sobbing, screaming when I'd hit her harder.
It lasted forever, or so it felt. Then all of a sudden I realized what I had done, and fell back, pushing myself away from her. I had hurt her, the woman I loved more than anything in the world. There she was, crying, whimpering, crumpled up in the corner.
I wanted to say something, call her name, to try to make things better, but nothing would come out of my mouth. She kept crying and crying, and I knew there was nothing I could ever do or say.
I sat in front of her, naked on the floor, and put my head between my knees, with my hands over my head, staring at the carpet. How did I ever fall this low?
I heard some noises. Caroline getting up. I peeked without moving my head and saw her stumbling up, her chemise ripped, something dark smeared on her chest and arms. I brought a hand to my eyes and saw the same stain. It smelled of blood.
Nothing mattered anymore. Whether she had been cheating on me or not felt trivial. My pride counted for nothing. Now there was no going back, I had lost her forever, because of my stupid self.
My tears had stopped. I was too stunned to cry. All I could managed to do was to stare at my feet and listen to Caroline's slow movements, accompanied by her crying. I heard her open a drawer, moving things in there. I knew what she was looking for and I deserved it.
Some metallic clicks, a pause, then more clicks. I looked up, only to stare at a barrel and the reflection of the night lights in her eyes. It was dark in the room, but I could see and feel the cold fire in her.
She spoke. There was nothing but hatred, disgust, and death in her voice. "You will never hit me again."
I made no attempts to shield myself. My guilt was soon to be removed from me, and I longed for that as I longed for Caroline all these years. She said something else, but I didn't hear it. I think I smiled.
After that it was just a white hot rose of pain rapidly blossoming in my face. Then another. I didn't feel the third.
When Mike and Susan finally left, Caroline and I cleaned up. We exchanged few words. I wanted to question her, make her tell me the truth, no matter how painful it would have been. I knew I could handle it, and I knew I could restrain myself from acting like a jealous idiot. I had never been the jealous type, and I didn't think I would start now.
Still, I wanted to know. At the same time I had all these doubts. Susan truly looked like Caroline, and it was dark and raining in the back yard. I could have been mistaken. How could I ask Caroline to tell me the truth when I wasn't sure of what I had seen? So I kept quiet and mulled over everything.
I took the trash out, in the back yard. It had stopped raining, and in the cold of the night I felt better. I looked at the kitchen window, now dark, and I couldn't say for sure what had happened. Maybe I should have just said something, mention it in passing how I saw Mike and Susan making out in the kitchen. Caroline would roll her eyes and laugh, but I didn't know it was Susan and I wasn't sure of anything of what happened earlier on.
I went back inside, Caroline was making some noises in the bathroom upstairs, so I turned off all the lights and went up to the bedroom.
I took my clothes off, slipped into bed and closed my eyes. I didn't want to wait for her to be done in the bathroom, I wanted to sleep. A good night of sleep is what I needed, that would've cleared my mind and make it all better. It's always better in the morning.
I fell asleep immediately, and right away I had nightmares. The house was on fire, old crones were laughing at me pointing their bony fingers to me, and other amenities. Then a noise woke me up, but I only opened my eyes and didn't move.
"Dan," said Caroline, and I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. "Where were you?"
I pretended to be still sleeping.
"I know you are awake." She poked me in the side. "I told you I want answers, and this time you can't get out of it."
I sighed but didn't turn or say anything.
"Where are you been all these evenings?" She kept poking me in the side and shaking me. I hated it.
"I didn't drink."
"So where have you been?"
"I didn't do anything wrong."
"Look at me!"
I didn't want to look, not tonight, not while I was still confused.
"Where have you been?!" She grabbed my shoulders and tried to turn me around. "If you didn't go out to get plastered as usual, what did you do outside?!"
"I told you so many times, I don't go out to drink."
"You disappear for hours, without explanation," she pushed me hard. "You say you didn't drink, yet you won't tell me what you are up to."
I kept mum. What difference would have it made if she knew? Did I even care at this point?
I heard her breathing breaking up quietly. Tears. The last weapon of the guilty woman. "What's her name?"
"Who?"
"The one you have been seeing all these nights."
I twisted around in an instant. "What?" How could SHE ask ME such a question?! "What are you talking about?"
"You kept drinking and drinking for months, years." She was sobbing now. "Then all of a sudden you start going out late at night, but come back without the stench of smoke and booze."
"And?"
"You have someone else," she wiped her tears with her fingers. "Someone who made you quit drinking."
"Caroline.." I couldn't form a coherent thought. The scene in the kitchen window, Susan looking a lot like her, Mike's comments, now her accusations. It was all a ball of searing pain that fumbled in my brain.
"Who, dammit, who?!" Her face was streaming with tears, and she began banging my chest.
"There is no one else, Caroline." It was odd, I didn't feel anything. No pity, no desire to take her in my arms and comfort her. Nothing. All I could think of was whomever I saw in the kitchen window.
"Who, you bastard, who is she?!" She hit me harder. "I can see it in your eyes."
"Enough, Caroline!" My voice was getting louder. "It's all in your head!" In her head. Like the scene that kept repeating in my head over and over. Caroline or Susan, kissing Mike. Susan or Caroline. One and the same.
"Who!? I deserve to know!" She slapped me across the face. My face burned where she left her hand print.
"No one!"
"Bullshit!" And she slapped me again.
"You will not hit me, not ever again." My voice was strange, coming from somewhere deep and dark inside of me. From the same place where the desire to reach out and strangle her was coming from.
"Give me her name!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
"No one!" The lying, cheating bitch. Accusing me of what she had just done the same night under my very own roof. "NO ONE!"
She tried to slap me again, but I caught her wrist with my hand and squeezed it hard.
"I told you not to hit me ever again!"
"Daniel!" She winced and try to pull her arm free of my grasp. "Let go! You're hurting me!"
I yanked her arm to the side. "And I told you that there is no one else!" I saw fear in her eyes. It felt good.
"There is no one else," I repeated, squeezing her fine wrist harder. "No one! I have been going to Alcoholics Anonymous!" I spat the words at her, and with each word she tried to pull back further. "AA Meetings! Getting clean!"
"Danny, baby, my arm hurts." With every pull I squeezed harder and yanked in the opposite direction. "Please baby!"
"You constantly harass me, nag me, fucking berate me with your stupid incessant questions!" The more she squirmed, the louder I spoke and the more I squeezed and yanked. "I tell you I quit, and you don't believe me! You never believe me!!" She grabbed my arm and dug her nails in it, trying to free her captive wrist. I squeezed harder still. "I told you I didn't wanna talk about it, and you nag me to death, even when I try to sleep!! Nag nag nag!" I shook her hand off my arm and pushed. She squealed and I felt the heat inside of me exploding. "I told you I there isn't anyone else, and you slap me!" I twisted her arm, pulled her close to me and yelled at the top of my lungs. "And when I tell you not to hit me again, you go and try again!"
I let go her wrist and pushed her off of me. "What do you want from my life?"
She crawled off the bed, her face red and covered with tears. She had gone too far. This time I would show her who she was messing with.
"What? You ran out of words now? After all you have said?! You accused me of cheating. YOU! After what you have done to me!" Her face showed complete panic and I started moving toward her like a panther stalking its prey. "After the way you ripped my heart apart with your deeds!" I crawled closer, inches from her face. "After I saw you throwing yourself at Mike like the whore that you are!!"
Caroline raised her arms to her face. Her cheeks were flushed, with red streaks coming down from her eyes. Her mouth slightly open with only small squeaky noises coming out.
"I can't hear you, honey. What? You thought I'd never figure it out?"
She started crawling backwards away from me toward one corner of the room. I got closer.
"What is it, honey? Cat got your fucking tongue?"
"Baby, please.." She squirmed like a mouse. Like a rat caught with cheese in her mouth, trying to avoid the impending just punishment.
"Please what?" I took one step closer. "Please stop throwing the truth in my face?" Another step closer. "Please stop finding out about my affairs?" I stood up towering her. "Please WHAT? Speak up, whore! I can't hear you!"
She squeezed herself in the corner, whimpering, curling up like a porcupine. "Baby, please don't hurt me!"
"Why would I hurt you? Huh? WHY? Why would I hurt my fucking angel?" Her fear told me all I needed to know. She did it, it was her. "Have you done something you shouldn't have? HUH?" My hands were clenched in tight fists. "Yes you have!" And with that I slapped her hard across the face.
She screamed and I hit her again.
"You see what you made me do?" I slapped her again. "After all I've done for you!" I punched her and she shrieked, curling tighter to avoid my hands. "After all the sacrifices, the hardships!" I snatched the arm covering her face and slapped her again. "After all these years!" She was in absolute panic, but I punched her down and started crying as well. "After all this time! Why did you have to do that to me?"
I started hitting her repeatedly, crying with every hit I landed on her. She was bawling and sobbing, screaming when I'd hit her harder.
It lasted forever, or so it felt. Then all of a sudden I realized what I had done, and fell back, pushing myself away from her. I had hurt her, the woman I loved more than anything in the world. There she was, crying, whimpering, crumpled up in the corner.
I wanted to say something, call her name, to try to make things better, but nothing would come out of my mouth. She kept crying and crying, and I knew there was nothing I could ever do or say.
I sat in front of her, naked on the floor, and put my head between my knees, with my hands over my head, staring at the carpet. How did I ever fall this low?
I heard some noises. Caroline getting up. I peeked without moving my head and saw her stumbling up, her chemise ripped, something dark smeared on her chest and arms. I brought a hand to my eyes and saw the same stain. It smelled of blood.
Nothing mattered anymore. Whether she had been cheating on me or not felt trivial. My pride counted for nothing. Now there was no going back, I had lost her forever, because of my stupid self.
My tears had stopped. I was too stunned to cry. All I could managed to do was to stare at my feet and listen to Caroline's slow movements, accompanied by her crying. I heard her open a drawer, moving things in there. I knew what she was looking for and I deserved it.
Some metallic clicks, a pause, then more clicks. I looked up, only to stare at a barrel and the reflection of the night lights in her eyes. It was dark in the room, but I could see and feel the cold fire in her.
She spoke. There was nothing but hatred, disgust, and death in her voice. "You will never hit me again."
I made no attempts to shield myself. My guilt was soon to be removed from me, and I longed for that as I longed for Caroline all these years. She said something else, but I didn't hear it. I think I smiled.
After that it was just a white hot rose of pain rapidly blossoming in my face. Then another. I didn't feel the third.
Monday, March 31, 2008
No Saints (Part 5 of 6)
I sat in the car, at first saying nothing, then I begun to cry. I screamed at myself, wondering how long it has been going on, what had I done wrong, why didn't I see the signs. I wanted a drink, something strong, but I knew that once I crawled inside a bottle, I'd never get out of it again, so I just sat there, feeling sorry for myself.
Half an hour later I actually went to get the butter. What a corny excuse to get me out of the house. Butter. What would it be next time? Milk?
Eventually I pulled up to my driveway and found Susan's golden Caddy parked in it, so I put the car on the side of the street, in front of Mike's vehicle. Mike always loved his black sporty Lexus, and the day he drove it from the dealer's lot he bragged about it for hours. Walking back to the house I sank my keys in the doors as hard and deep as I could.
Outside of the door I managed to dig a big smile from inside of me and put it on my face, then I walked in.
"Knock knock!" I called out opening the door. "The big bad wolf is here!"
Mike was sitting on the right arm of the couch, talking to Susan who was sitting in the armchair. He turned my way and yelled "Here he is! Thought we had to send out a rescue party!" He smiled and winked at Susan "And that's not the kinda party I like to be in!"
"Dan!" Susan got up and came to give me a big hug. "How are you? How long has it been since last time? Ages!"
"It sure has been," I replied. "I'm so happy to see you." I hated her. Why couldn't she keep her man on a leash?
Caroline walked out of the kitchen with a mixed look on her face. "Honey! What took you so long?"
I had to force myself to keep on smiling. "Oh, it was a mess. A fuck up after another." I stared at her, aware that my face muscles were straining my smile into a smirk. "Two guys got in a fight over a woman, right there in the store. Apparently she was double timing one of the two. Then the cashier tried to short change me. Tried a bait and switch scheme on me." I looked at Mike with the same intensity I looked at Caroline. "Could you believe that someone would try to screw me over? And that some broad would cheat on her man? What a crazy world we live in, huh?"
Mike didn't change expression. "There sure are some weirdos out there!"
"My aunt once was mobbed in a super market," piped in Susan, but I barely noticed her. I kept my eyes fixed on Mike's, smiling at him.
I went to put the grocery bag in the kitchen, going past Caroline, with same frozen smirk on my face. She said something but I didn't hear it. In the kitchen I looked out of the same window those two traitors used to frame their betrayal. I felt like throwing up so I walked out.
"So, Mike," I said while putting the coat up. "How was it?"
"Hm?" Mike was having another drink. Sure, go ahead, you already had my wife, why not take my whisky as well.
I walked up to him, he was sitting on the couch, Susan by his side. "How was keeping her warm? Did you do a good job?"
Mike gave me a puzzled look. "What?"
"Caroline," I nodded at my wife, smiling. "Did you keep my wife entertained while I was out?"
"Uh.. yeah. Yeah!" He gave a belly laugh. "We caught up with the latest and greatest happenings until Susie got here. Caroline is sure a hot kitten!!" And he laughed again.
Right there I wanted to kill him. I wanted to take that bottle of wine he brought and smash his face with it. I wanted to cram it down his throat and stare him in the eyes as he'd choke on it, clawing at it, desperately trying to catch a breath, while I'd push more and more down. His face would turn blue, his eyes would become as glass, and I'd drink with glee at his funeral.
"Danny!?" Caroline whispered to me. "Are you ok?"
Those sweet thoughts still coursed through my head, but I banished them, lest I'd let on that I knew. Meanwhile Susan was hitting Mike with a pillow for those remarks. I'd have handed her a battle axe if I had one.
"Danny??"
I took a deep breath. "Yes, honey, I am ok," I said and looked at her. I couldn't smile any more. "Are you ok?"
"Danny, what's wrong? You look awful."
"I'm ok. I'm just tired, I guess. I had a hard day."
Meanwhile Susan was laughing while hitting Mike. "You are a real bastard, you know?"
"Yes, yes," Mike was protecting his drink and trying to take a sip between pillow hits. "But you love me like this anyways, so why should I change?"
I looked at Susan. Was she part of the conspiracy? "So, how come that you got your hair done at the last minute?"
Susan held a pillow over Mike's head and looked at me, still breathing hard from all that hitting. "Yeah, things that happen."
"Really? Just today, just right this day?"
"Yeah," the look on her face was becoming more confused. "I made the appointment last week and they cancelled on me. Then today I worked late and had totally forgot about it." She looked at Caroline. "I was lucky to get in as it was."
Mike looked over his shoulder and grinned. "And while you were doing chores at the store and Susie was doing her hair, I was doing.." Susan slapped Mike upside the head with the pillow and his drink spilled all over his corduroy pants. Mike, Susan, and Caroline were laughing, while I felt like someone had just pushed my face into a toilet and flushed.
"Danny," said Caroline regaining her composure. "Did you notice Susan's hair?"
"Her hair?" I looked at Susan.
"Yes, look at her now! What do you think?"
Until now I had forgot she had hair, except that she used it as an excuse to let her wandering bastard of a man cheat on me.
"Hmmm.. I give up?"
"Oh, you're such a man!" She laughed and went to stand next to Susan, while Susan got up and stood next to her. "Look! The same hair do! Same dress as well!" Susan giggled.
Susan put an arm across Caroline shoulders and Caroline reciprocated. "We could pass for twins," said Susan and they both giggled.
I stood there, frozen like a snow man. They did look very similar. Who did I see flirting with Mike?
Mike stood up and came to my side to admire the recently rejoined twins. "Danny, my boy," he said while sipping on what was left of his drink. "If we'd get into wife swapping, I don't think I'd notice."
He laughed. Susan and Caroline laughed heartily. I gave my best effort.
Half an hour later I actually went to get the butter. What a corny excuse to get me out of the house. Butter. What would it be next time? Milk?
Eventually I pulled up to my driveway and found Susan's golden Caddy parked in it, so I put the car on the side of the street, in front of Mike's vehicle. Mike always loved his black sporty Lexus, and the day he drove it from the dealer's lot he bragged about it for hours. Walking back to the house I sank my keys in the doors as hard and deep as I could.
Outside of the door I managed to dig a big smile from inside of me and put it on my face, then I walked in.
"Knock knock!" I called out opening the door. "The big bad wolf is here!"
Mike was sitting on the right arm of the couch, talking to Susan who was sitting in the armchair. He turned my way and yelled "Here he is! Thought we had to send out a rescue party!" He smiled and winked at Susan "And that's not the kinda party I like to be in!"
"Dan!" Susan got up and came to give me a big hug. "How are you? How long has it been since last time? Ages!"
"It sure has been," I replied. "I'm so happy to see you." I hated her. Why couldn't she keep her man on a leash?
Caroline walked out of the kitchen with a mixed look on her face. "Honey! What took you so long?"
I had to force myself to keep on smiling. "Oh, it was a mess. A fuck up after another." I stared at her, aware that my face muscles were straining my smile into a smirk. "Two guys got in a fight over a woman, right there in the store. Apparently she was double timing one of the two. Then the cashier tried to short change me. Tried a bait and switch scheme on me." I looked at Mike with the same intensity I looked at Caroline. "Could you believe that someone would try to screw me over? And that some broad would cheat on her man? What a crazy world we live in, huh?"
Mike didn't change expression. "There sure are some weirdos out there!"
"My aunt once was mobbed in a super market," piped in Susan, but I barely noticed her. I kept my eyes fixed on Mike's, smiling at him.
I went to put the grocery bag in the kitchen, going past Caroline, with same frozen smirk on my face. She said something but I didn't hear it. In the kitchen I looked out of the same window those two traitors used to frame their betrayal. I felt like throwing up so I walked out.
"So, Mike," I said while putting the coat up. "How was it?"
"Hm?" Mike was having another drink. Sure, go ahead, you already had my wife, why not take my whisky as well.
I walked up to him, he was sitting on the couch, Susan by his side. "How was keeping her warm? Did you do a good job?"
Mike gave me a puzzled look. "What?"
"Caroline," I nodded at my wife, smiling. "Did you keep my wife entertained while I was out?"
"Uh.. yeah. Yeah!" He gave a belly laugh. "We caught up with the latest and greatest happenings until Susie got here. Caroline is sure a hot kitten!!" And he laughed again.
Right there I wanted to kill him. I wanted to take that bottle of wine he brought and smash his face with it. I wanted to cram it down his throat and stare him in the eyes as he'd choke on it, clawing at it, desperately trying to catch a breath, while I'd push more and more down. His face would turn blue, his eyes would become as glass, and I'd drink with glee at his funeral.
"Danny!?" Caroline whispered to me. "Are you ok?"
Those sweet thoughts still coursed through my head, but I banished them, lest I'd let on that I knew. Meanwhile Susan was hitting Mike with a pillow for those remarks. I'd have handed her a battle axe if I had one.
"Danny??"
I took a deep breath. "Yes, honey, I am ok," I said and looked at her. I couldn't smile any more. "Are you ok?"
"Danny, what's wrong? You look awful."
"I'm ok. I'm just tired, I guess. I had a hard day."
Meanwhile Susan was laughing while hitting Mike. "You are a real bastard, you know?"
"Yes, yes," Mike was protecting his drink and trying to take a sip between pillow hits. "But you love me like this anyways, so why should I change?"
I looked at Susan. Was she part of the conspiracy? "So, how come that you got your hair done at the last minute?"
Susan held a pillow over Mike's head and looked at me, still breathing hard from all that hitting. "Yeah, things that happen."
"Really? Just today, just right this day?"
"Yeah," the look on her face was becoming more confused. "I made the appointment last week and they cancelled on me. Then today I worked late and had totally forgot about it." She looked at Caroline. "I was lucky to get in as it was."
Mike looked over his shoulder and grinned. "And while you were doing chores at the store and Susie was doing her hair, I was doing.." Susan slapped Mike upside the head with the pillow and his drink spilled all over his corduroy pants. Mike, Susan, and Caroline were laughing, while I felt like someone had just pushed my face into a toilet and flushed.
"Danny," said Caroline regaining her composure. "Did you notice Susan's hair?"
"Her hair?" I looked at Susan.
"Yes, look at her now! What do you think?"
Until now I had forgot she had hair, except that she used it as an excuse to let her wandering bastard of a man cheat on me.
"Hmmm.. I give up?"
"Oh, you're such a man!" She laughed and went to stand next to Susan, while Susan got up and stood next to her. "Look! The same hair do! Same dress as well!" Susan giggled.
Susan put an arm across Caroline shoulders and Caroline reciprocated. "We could pass for twins," said Susan and they both giggled.
I stood there, frozen like a snow man. They did look very similar. Who did I see flirting with Mike?
Mike stood up and came to my side to admire the recently rejoined twins. "Danny, my boy," he said while sipping on what was left of his drink. "If we'd get into wife swapping, I don't think I'd notice."
He laughed. Susan and Caroline laughed heartily. I gave my best effort.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
No Saints (Part 4 of 6)
Even with that rain and the weekend traffic, the store was no more than ten minutes away. The rain kept coming in waves, alternatively slowing the traffic and speeding it up. I always wondered why people couldn't drive more smoothly in the rain.
A traffic light ahead turned red and I slowed down, and my mind slowed down as well. Caroline and her butter. What if when I would be back, she'd send me out again? Bread? Lima beans? Besides, she had said she wanted butter, but she didn't specify whether it was salted or plain butter.
I reached into my pocket for my cell phone, but it came up empty. As the traffic started moving again, I patted myself but I couldn't find anything. I must have had left it on the coffee table, or on the cupboard. Maybe Caroline had put it away for me, she always tidied up behind me. I took the first turn and sped back home. It was much better to look stupid and getting more details, than to come back with nothing but plain butter when she wanted salted butter and a can of corn.
I pulled up behind the house. I wasn't going to walk in like a complete moron, not in front of Mike. Mostly he would have started talking more and more, and it would have taken one hour before I could go get the butter. As it was, I was going to be about ten minutes late.
I got out of the car, lifted the lapels of my jacket and closed it tight on my chest and neck. I was going to get really wet. I went in the dark backyard, walking in long steps to avoid the deep cold puddles of rainwater. I should have had the yard landscaped, with some sort of pathway to the rear deck.
I leaped one large puddle, nigh a pond, and put one foot on the steps up to the deck, and stopped. The deck was illuminated by the window in the rear of the kitchen, and although the rain was falling hard on me, blurring my vision, I could see someone moving. It was Caroline, of course, but something made me stop and wait.
Whatever told me to wait was right. Barely a second after Caroline passed in front of the window, I saw another shadow. A bigger one. Mike.
He walked in front of the window and Caroline joined him. They both had glasses in their hands. Caroline was smiling. It was a warm, welcoming smile. Mike was laughing, but all the noise was drowned by the rain.
Mike said something. Caroline laughed, her cheeks turning a deeper tone of red. Blushing. Mike talked again and got closer to her. She laughed and covered her mouth. Mike put an arm around her and drew her close. Caroline didn't stop him, instead she put her arms around his neck and laid her head on his chest. She was smiling.
Then she looked up to him and they kissed.
A vehicle passed by and startled me. Slowly I turned around and returned to the car.
A traffic light ahead turned red and I slowed down, and my mind slowed down as well. Caroline and her butter. What if when I would be back, she'd send me out again? Bread? Lima beans? Besides, she had said she wanted butter, but she didn't specify whether it was salted or plain butter.
I reached into my pocket for my cell phone, but it came up empty. As the traffic started moving again, I patted myself but I couldn't find anything. I must have had left it on the coffee table, or on the cupboard. Maybe Caroline had put it away for me, she always tidied up behind me. I took the first turn and sped back home. It was much better to look stupid and getting more details, than to come back with nothing but plain butter when she wanted salted butter and a can of corn.
I pulled up behind the house. I wasn't going to walk in like a complete moron, not in front of Mike. Mostly he would have started talking more and more, and it would have taken one hour before I could go get the butter. As it was, I was going to be about ten minutes late.
I got out of the car, lifted the lapels of my jacket and closed it tight on my chest and neck. I was going to get really wet. I went in the dark backyard, walking in long steps to avoid the deep cold puddles of rainwater. I should have had the yard landscaped, with some sort of pathway to the rear deck.
I leaped one large puddle, nigh a pond, and put one foot on the steps up to the deck, and stopped. The deck was illuminated by the window in the rear of the kitchen, and although the rain was falling hard on me, blurring my vision, I could see someone moving. It was Caroline, of course, but something made me stop and wait.
Whatever told me to wait was right. Barely a second after Caroline passed in front of the window, I saw another shadow. A bigger one. Mike.
He walked in front of the window and Caroline joined him. They both had glasses in their hands. Caroline was smiling. It was a warm, welcoming smile. Mike was laughing, but all the noise was drowned by the rain.
Mike said something. Caroline laughed, her cheeks turning a deeper tone of red. Blushing. Mike talked again and got closer to her. She laughed and covered her mouth. Mike put an arm around her and drew her close. Caroline didn't stop him, instead she put her arms around his neck and laid her head on his chest. She was smiling.
Then she looked up to him and they kissed.
A vehicle passed by and startled me. Slowly I turned around and returned to the car.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
No Saints (Part 3 of 6)
One hour into the evening and still no sign of Susan. Mike briefly talked to her on the phone, she was done with the hair, but stuck in traffic somewhere on the turnpike. I tried to help Caroline in the kitchen, but she'd push me out with a giggle and a kiss.
As time passed, we turned the television on. The incessant babble about the ruined lives of the rich and the famous made for more discussion topics. Mike's flushed cheeks and drawled speech told me he was getting drunk. "Yeah, I know that duuuude," he would say, dragging the u for a few seconds and pointing at some actor on the screen. I remembered Mike as funnier, that was when I used to drink with him, but he was still a hoot. "I defended his sorry ass from some bum rape charge two years ago. Some cute chick from some club claimed he forced himself on her. It was all bullshit." He finished his gin & tonic, which Caroline promptly refilled. "Got him free and clear in the preliminary hearings. She couldn't stand a chance against me. So much so, that she was my date the night after." And we laughed.
Caroline would pop in and out of the kitchen, being amiable and sociable, even to me. "Mike, you're a low dirt scumbag," she would say laughing. "Can anyone have a chance against you or your wily charms?" She'd sip on her long island iced tea, smiling, then she'd walk back to tend to dinner. She was the only woman I knew who could be wearing a sexy black dress, high heels, full make up, and at the same time cook, making a hell of a meal. Not to add that she was still a great hostess.
"Not if I really want it, babe!" He winked at her.
She laughed. "Danny would cut you to shreds if you'd try that with me," and put a hand on my shoulders. I doubted I could hurt him, maybe if he was threatening to hurt me or her first, but I chimed in with my best hick accent.
"Darn tootin'!" I waved a threatening coffee mug at him. "You lay an eye on her, Mikey-boy, and ye gonna have to deal with me!"
Mike laughed hard. "Naah, if I wanted to, I'd make it so that you'd be glad to hand her off to me!"
Caroline stuck her tongue out at him, still laughing, and went back to the kitchen.
Trying to keep up with Mike's perception of reality was a full time job, albeit a pleasant one. I didn't miss the booze, I actually enjoyed the night better. Tonight I wanted tell her everything, how much I loved her, how my love for her led me to change, to become a better man and stop wasting my life in a bottle. I smiled.
"Honey?" Caroline motioned at me to follow her in the kitchen, and I obliged.
"We're out of butter," she whispered.
"Use margarine?"
"Honey!" The conspiring tone of voice was gone, replaced by the Drill Sergeant command voice. "We need butter!"
"It's OK," I smiled and tried to dodge the inevitable. "You can go and I'll entertain Mike. I'm sure he won't mind. Heck, he's half drunk as it is.."
"No," she pointed a menacing greasy spatula at my chest. "You will go, and I will tend to the food. Unless you want the roast beef on the charcoal side of well done."
I didn't want to go out. It was late, it was cold, maybe even raining, and I liked to shoot the breeze with Mike. He might have been a loud ass, but he was my best friend and I hadn't seen him in ages. "Can't we do without?" I pleaded.
"Baby," she gave me that condescending sweet look mixed with the steely assurance that noncompliance would have resulted in a fate worse than death. "Corn on the cob. Mashed potatoes. Sauteed mushrooms. Cream of spinach. Roasted asparagus. Without any butter??"
I looked at her feigning complete and utter ignorance, even gave her my best I'm just here for the party look. She wagged the greasy spatula at me and I knew I had lost this battle. I wanted to point out that she had gone to the store three times in the past five days, but that would have just turned this situation into a major argument, so I huffed, slapped her butt and turned around to go get my coat and keys.
Mike looked at me with an eyebrow raised.
"Got drafted," I said with a crooked smile. "On times of crisis and dire dangers, it falls upon the boldest among us to face certain death in order to make the world a safer place."
Caroline was standing by the kitchen, a hand on her side, with a cute mock frown on her face. "Just make sure that the world is safe and you're back from the war before dinner is ready, will ya?"
Mike laughed. "Don't worry, buddy," he said with a wink. "I'll keep her warm for you!"
I walked out of the front door, saying out loud, "Women, can't live with them!"
As the door closed behind me, I was sure I heard Caroline say "Men, who wants to live with them?"
You could have heard Mike laughing even inside the car, and, as I feared, it started to rain.
As time passed, we turned the television on. The incessant babble about the ruined lives of the rich and the famous made for more discussion topics. Mike's flushed cheeks and drawled speech told me he was getting drunk. "Yeah, I know that duuuude," he would say, dragging the u for a few seconds and pointing at some actor on the screen. I remembered Mike as funnier, that was when I used to drink with him, but he was still a hoot. "I defended his sorry ass from some bum rape charge two years ago. Some cute chick from some club claimed he forced himself on her. It was all bullshit." He finished his gin & tonic, which Caroline promptly refilled. "Got him free and clear in the preliminary hearings. She couldn't stand a chance against me. So much so, that she was my date the night after." And we laughed.
Caroline would pop in and out of the kitchen, being amiable and sociable, even to me. "Mike, you're a low dirt scumbag," she would say laughing. "Can anyone have a chance against you or your wily charms?" She'd sip on her long island iced tea, smiling, then she'd walk back to tend to dinner. She was the only woman I knew who could be wearing a sexy black dress, high heels, full make up, and at the same time cook, making a hell of a meal. Not to add that she was still a great hostess.
"Not if I really want it, babe!" He winked at her.
She laughed. "Danny would cut you to shreds if you'd try that with me," and put a hand on my shoulders. I doubted I could hurt him, maybe if he was threatening to hurt me or her first, but I chimed in with my best hick accent.
"Darn tootin'!" I waved a threatening coffee mug at him. "You lay an eye on her, Mikey-boy, and ye gonna have to deal with me!"
Mike laughed hard. "Naah, if I wanted to, I'd make it so that you'd be glad to hand her off to me!"
Caroline stuck her tongue out at him, still laughing, and went back to the kitchen.
Trying to keep up with Mike's perception of reality was a full time job, albeit a pleasant one. I didn't miss the booze, I actually enjoyed the night better. Tonight I wanted tell her everything, how much I loved her, how my love for her led me to change, to become a better man and stop wasting my life in a bottle. I smiled.
"Honey?" Caroline motioned at me to follow her in the kitchen, and I obliged.
"We're out of butter," she whispered.
"Use margarine?"
"Honey!" The conspiring tone of voice was gone, replaced by the Drill Sergeant command voice. "We need butter!"
"It's OK," I smiled and tried to dodge the inevitable. "You can go and I'll entertain Mike. I'm sure he won't mind. Heck, he's half drunk as it is.."
"No," she pointed a menacing greasy spatula at my chest. "You will go, and I will tend to the food. Unless you want the roast beef on the charcoal side of well done."
I didn't want to go out. It was late, it was cold, maybe even raining, and I liked to shoot the breeze with Mike. He might have been a loud ass, but he was my best friend and I hadn't seen him in ages. "Can't we do without?" I pleaded.
"Baby," she gave me that condescending sweet look mixed with the steely assurance that noncompliance would have resulted in a fate worse than death. "Corn on the cob. Mashed potatoes. Sauteed mushrooms. Cream of spinach. Roasted asparagus. Without any butter??"
I looked at her feigning complete and utter ignorance, even gave her my best I'm just here for the party look. She wagged the greasy spatula at me and I knew I had lost this battle. I wanted to point out that she had gone to the store three times in the past five days, but that would have just turned this situation into a major argument, so I huffed, slapped her butt and turned around to go get my coat and keys.
Mike looked at me with an eyebrow raised.
"Got drafted," I said with a crooked smile. "On times of crisis and dire dangers, it falls upon the boldest among us to face certain death in order to make the world a safer place."
Caroline was standing by the kitchen, a hand on her side, with a cute mock frown on her face. "Just make sure that the world is safe and you're back from the war before dinner is ready, will ya?"
Mike laughed. "Don't worry, buddy," he said with a wink. "I'll keep her warm for you!"
I walked out of the front door, saying out loud, "Women, can't live with them!"
As the door closed behind me, I was sure I heard Caroline say "Men, who wants to live with them?"
You could have heard Mike laughing even inside the car, and, as I feared, it started to rain.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
No Saints (Part 2 of 6)
Mike was at the door, a bottle of sparkling wine in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. "Caroline! As gorgeous and sexy as ever!" He stretched his arms wide open. "Give me some sugar, babe!"
Mike was the kind of good looking charmer that could have sold running shoes to tetrapleagics. Eons ago, while in college, we met while selling overpriced junk for a small computer store. We would compete for clients, and he always got the best commissions, but we went along great, often working as wing-man during some though sales. Once I witnessed him talking an older man into buying an expensive model. Mike told him the cheaper one couldn't draw circles properly because it had square pixels, while the expensive one had banana shaped pixels. He went on to become a rather successful lawyer, while I made a career in sales and marketing.
Caroline chuckled. "Good evening Michael," and gave him her best smile. "As flattering and flirtatious as usual."
A hug and a peck on the cheek, and I winced. Mike dated Caroline first. She dumped him when she found out about his cheating habit, but that was over ten years ago. I swept her off her feet two years later, with Mike's blessings, but I couldn't forget how he used to talk about her.
He turned to me and put the bottle in my arms. "Danny! My man! Got something good for you here!"
"Hey, Mickey." We shook hands. He was flashing his teeth around like shark. "I'll put this away for later."
Caroline looked behind Mike. "Where is Susan?"
"She's running late. She wanted to get her hair done, right at the last moment!" Mike winked at me and smiled. "You know how women are."
"Yeah, women. Can't live with them, can't kill 'em!"
We laughed and Caroline gently rammed her elbow in my side.
She gave a saucy look at Mike. "For a second I thought you'd say that she was not your type, and that it was time to move along, spread your wings, break free, broaden your horizons." Mike grinned, and I gave a deliberate deep sigh while smiling. "Or was that what you said about Cynthia? Or Mariel? Or was it Annette?"
"Wait, wait!" He was laughing again. Was there a time when Mike didn't laugh? "This time is different, she really is the woman of my life, my perfect mate!"
Caroline tilted her head, looked up, put a finger on her face. "Funny, I could swear I heard that before," she hummed for a second. "Oh, right!" She looked at me, like he wasn't there. "He used to say that about me!" And we laughed again, only that this time I didn't feel amused.
"Come on you two," I motioned to follow me as I walked inside. "Get in before we all freeze to death."
Mike and I sat on the sofa around the coffee table, Caroline took Mike's gifts in the kitchen and then she joined us. We spent some time catching up with the latest events in our lives, making small talk and stupid jokes. Mike always laughing a bit too hard. Eventually Caroline got up and asked, "Anyone wants something to drink?"
"Yeah, sweetie!" Mike's smile seemed to grow bigger every time. "Get me a gin and tonic, if you don't mind." He smiled at me. "One for the big boy here as well!"
Caroline's eyes met mine with the kind of look that could pierce two inches of steel armor. I smiled and raised a hand as a peace offering. "I'll have some coffee." Then I looked at Mike and said, with a lower voice, "I got an early start, and I wouldn't want to end under the table already."
That white lie might have worked to keep Mike from asking embarrassing questions, but didn't fare well with Caroline, who didn't show any emotion and went in the kitchen without a word.
Mike and I exchanged questioning glances, I mouthed "Women" and we returned to talk about what interesting cases he had had to defend.
Mike was the kind of good looking charmer that could have sold running shoes to tetrapleagics. Eons ago, while in college, we met while selling overpriced junk for a small computer store. We would compete for clients, and he always got the best commissions, but we went along great, often working as wing-man during some though sales. Once I witnessed him talking an older man into buying an expensive model. Mike told him the cheaper one couldn't draw circles properly because it had square pixels, while the expensive one had banana shaped pixels. He went on to become a rather successful lawyer, while I made a career in sales and marketing.
Caroline chuckled. "Good evening Michael," and gave him her best smile. "As flattering and flirtatious as usual."
A hug and a peck on the cheek, and I winced. Mike dated Caroline first. She dumped him when she found out about his cheating habit, but that was over ten years ago. I swept her off her feet two years later, with Mike's blessings, but I couldn't forget how he used to talk about her.
He turned to me and put the bottle in my arms. "Danny! My man! Got something good for you here!"
"Hey, Mickey." We shook hands. He was flashing his teeth around like shark. "I'll put this away for later."
Caroline looked behind Mike. "Where is Susan?"
"She's running late. She wanted to get her hair done, right at the last moment!" Mike winked at me and smiled. "You know how women are."
"Yeah, women. Can't live with them, can't kill 'em!"
We laughed and Caroline gently rammed her elbow in my side.
She gave a saucy look at Mike. "For a second I thought you'd say that she was not your type, and that it was time to move along, spread your wings, break free, broaden your horizons." Mike grinned, and I gave a deliberate deep sigh while smiling. "Or was that what you said about Cynthia? Or Mariel? Or was it Annette?"
"Wait, wait!" He was laughing again. Was there a time when Mike didn't laugh? "This time is different, she really is the woman of my life, my perfect mate!"
Caroline tilted her head, looked up, put a finger on her face. "Funny, I could swear I heard that before," she hummed for a second. "Oh, right!" She looked at me, like he wasn't there. "He used to say that about me!" And we laughed again, only that this time I didn't feel amused.
"Come on you two," I motioned to follow me as I walked inside. "Get in before we all freeze to death."
Mike and I sat on the sofa around the coffee table, Caroline took Mike's gifts in the kitchen and then she joined us. We spent some time catching up with the latest events in our lives, making small talk and stupid jokes. Mike always laughing a bit too hard. Eventually Caroline got up and asked, "Anyone wants something to drink?"
"Yeah, sweetie!" Mike's smile seemed to grow bigger every time. "Get me a gin and tonic, if you don't mind." He smiled at me. "One for the big boy here as well!"
Caroline's eyes met mine with the kind of look that could pierce two inches of steel armor. I smiled and raised a hand as a peace offering. "I'll have some coffee." Then I looked at Mike and said, with a lower voice, "I got an early start, and I wouldn't want to end under the table already."
That white lie might have worked to keep Mike from asking embarrassing questions, but didn't fare well with Caroline, who didn't show any emotion and went in the kitchen without a word.
Mike and I exchanged questioning glances, I mouthed "Women" and we returned to talk about what interesting cases he had had to defend.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
No Saints (Part 1 of 6)
Caroline wouldn't believe me.
"Not for an instant."
"I told you already. I quit drinking."
She made a disgusted face at me. "How many times have you quit and been on the wagon? And how many times have you quit that as well?"
"This time is different." I couldn't tell her that I had started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I have always taken care of my problems myself, head on, and wouldn't go to the doctor for anything less than a severed limb. How could I admit to her that I was incapable of remaining sober without help?
"So, if you haven't been drinking, where were you last night? What about last week? You were gone two nights without telling me where."
"Sometimes I need fresh air."
"Fresh air? You were out till past midnight yesterday!"
"I'm sorry, babe. I got lost." Last night I finally introduced myself. It took a lot to admit that I was an addict. I lost track of time retelling my life to a group of strangers.
"You never answered your cell! I called you four times!" She was nearly in tears. "I was worried!"
I wanted to take her in my arms, hold her, and tell her it was all right, that I was just trying to get myself back in shape. That I was doing this for her, for us, because I didn't like myself when I was drunk, and I couldn't stop. Maybe it was pride. Maybe it was fear. But fear of what? That the would find me less of a man? That she would stop loving me?
I took a long breath and avoided looking at her. I knew I should have said something, but I bit my lip. I didn't want to do this now. "Baby, can't we talk about it later? Mike and Susan are going to be here any moment now."
She looked at me with hard eyes. "You can't avoid me forever." She wouldn't cry, not for lack of feeling, but because she was as strong as I was stubborn. "Once they are gone I don't want any more lies, any more excuses. You owe me some serious answers!"
It must have been fate, because as she finished talking the doorbell rang. I looked at her and gave her a humble smile. "Anything, babe." I meant it.
The doorbell rang again. Caroline nodded and together we went to open the door.
"Not for an instant."
"I told you already. I quit drinking."
She made a disgusted face at me. "How many times have you quit and been on the wagon? And how many times have you quit that as well?"
"This time is different." I couldn't tell her that I had started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I have always taken care of my problems myself, head on, and wouldn't go to the doctor for anything less than a severed limb. How could I admit to her that I was incapable of remaining sober without help?
"So, if you haven't been drinking, where were you last night? What about last week? You were gone two nights without telling me where."
"Sometimes I need fresh air."
"Fresh air? You were out till past midnight yesterday!"
"I'm sorry, babe. I got lost." Last night I finally introduced myself. It took a lot to admit that I was an addict. I lost track of time retelling my life to a group of strangers.
"You never answered your cell! I called you four times!" She was nearly in tears. "I was worried!"
I wanted to take her in my arms, hold her, and tell her it was all right, that I was just trying to get myself back in shape. That I was doing this for her, for us, because I didn't like myself when I was drunk, and I couldn't stop. Maybe it was pride. Maybe it was fear. But fear of what? That the would find me less of a man? That she would stop loving me?
I took a long breath and avoided looking at her. I knew I should have said something, but I bit my lip. I didn't want to do this now. "Baby, can't we talk about it later? Mike and Susan are going to be here any moment now."
She looked at me with hard eyes. "You can't avoid me forever." She wouldn't cry, not for lack of feeling, but because she was as strong as I was stubborn. "Once they are gone I don't want any more lies, any more excuses. You owe me some serious answers!"
It must have been fate, because as she finished talking the doorbell rang. I looked at her and gave her a humble smile. "Anything, babe." I meant it.
The doorbell rang again. Caroline nodded and together we went to open the door.
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