No Saints (Part 1 of 6)

Caroline wouldn't believe me.

"Not for an instant."

"I told you already. I quit drinking."

She made a disgusted face at me. "How many times have you quit and been on the wagon? And how many times have you quit that as well?"

"This time is different." I couldn't tell her that I had started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I have always taken care of my problems myself, head on, and wouldn't go to the doctor for anything less than a severed limb. How could I admit to her that I was incapable of remaining sober without help?

"So, if you haven't been drinking, where were you last night? What about last week? You were gone two nights without telling me where."

"Sometimes I need fresh air."

"Fresh air? You were out till past midnight yesterday!"

"I'm sorry, babe. I got lost." Last night I finally introduced myself. It took a lot to admit that I was an addict. I lost track of time retelling my life to a group of strangers.

"You never answered your cell! I called you four times!" She was nearly in tears. "I was worried!"

I wanted to take her in my arms, hold her, and tell her it was all right, that I was just trying to get myself back in shape. That I was doing this for her, for us, because I didn't like myself when I was drunk, and I couldn't stop. Maybe it was pride. Maybe it was fear. But fear of what? That the would find me less of a man? That she would stop loving me?

I took a long breath and avoided looking at her. I knew I should have said something, but I bit my lip. I didn't want to do this now. "Baby, can't we talk about it later? Mike and Susan are going to be here any moment now."

She looked at me with hard eyes. "You can't avoid me forever." She wouldn't cry, not for lack of feeling, but because she was as strong as I was stubborn. "Once they are gone I don't want any more lies, any more excuses. You owe me some serious answers!"

It must have been fate, because as she finished talking the doorbell rang. I looked at her and gave her a humble smile. "Anything, babe." I meant it.

The doorbell rang again. Caroline nodded and together we went to open the door.